Mungkin kerana aku terlalu cemburu. Cemburu akan semua yang berlaku di sekeliling aku. Aku sedih tapi aku tutup dengan rasa gembira ketawa sekuat hati, biar tiada seorang pun tahu apa sebenarnya yang terjadi. Cemburu ini bukan lah seperti, kau cinta dia, dan aku rasa nak mengamuk, belasah dia sampai terbalik, sampai lebam, tidak. Aku cemburu kepada berapa tinggi orang pergi, berapa jauh orang langkah. Itu definisi cemburu bagi aku. Mungkin masa aku belum tiba, peluang aku belum sampai, satu hari nanti, akan pasti. Itu aku katakan pada diri ini, yakinkan hati ini. Tetapi, hati aku, hanya hati seorang remaja perempuan yang mungkin sampai bila akan kuat berdiri atas kaki sendiri, bila ombak dan angin yang menerjah itu kuat bagai tsunami yang melanda tapi tiada air, hanya derasnya yang terasa. Faham? Aku tetap merasa diri ini seprang. Memang aku ada kakak, aku ada adik, tetapi, sepatah kata mereka, aku kan kakak yang perlu berlagak kuat. Berlagak kuat, macam semunya tenang tiada masalah. Hanya sekali sekala aku akan meluah. Dan kata mereka lagi, aku perlu berhenti meluah. Berhenti meluah. Mungkin itu akan kujadikan resolution untuk tahun baru ini. Maaflah kalau sebelum ini itu semua menyakitkan hati kamu dan kamu dan kamu semua. Tetapi itu aku. Fine! Aku akan stop. Aku akan berhenti.









Honestly I cried my heart out when you knew I was around but you're not looking. It hurts more than the silence you kept between us. It hurts more than anything you could've imagined. You broke my heart and turned it into pieces. A simple 'hey' doesn't take a lot of effort, I suppose, yet, ignorance was what you thought the best for us. I have all my favourite songs played to make myself happy. I tried to ignore you too. But, all the songs seemed to annoyed me more. They spoke the words of my heart. The lines that remain unspoken. 'Cause, I know, even how hard I try to find the best words to say, you won't be listening. And I don't want to be the one that holds you back. Letting you go, seemed the best option even if it means, Im crashing myself - inside out. Its okay. I through before. Second time won't be a problem.


Part One

There's quite a lot of things happened recently. No major one but those lil things put myself in dilemma. Ive been thinking a lot. Been talking to myself. Picturing stuffs in my mind. I dont quite to know what exactly that I wanted. Crush. Love. Relationship. Islam. And Ramadhan is tomorrow. I want to make a change. A better change perhaps. But I dont know. I am so scared that I cant commit. I am scared of dont know what things that would wait for me in the future. I do not want to have myself in an uncomfortable situation where looking back wont solve anything. There is nothing to regret of course, yet, I feel there's too much in the list that I need to do. Sacrifice is one of them. However, I do not mind of doing any sacrifice, but, I think I need a motivation. Something that can boost up my confidence level to start my steps now and leave everything in the past.


Part Two

Been broken hearted twice aint something that is easy to endure such pain. The first one, had brought me to the memories, looking back to the moments which I could let it go now. However, the second one, I have always questioning myself about the future. Will it happen? Is it going to be good? Does he know about what Im feeling. I hope not. And I really hope one day he decided to stand up and tell me the ending or the beginning perhaps. I dont know. God, I feel like crying but there's no more tears left. Ive got to admit, when comes to this part, my tears would be the highest bid. They are expensive.

I would easily burst into tears if my dad scolded me, when I feel like my sisters would not want to appreciate me and when I miss my mom. But, I dont know why, I find it hard to let go when its the matter of heart. The matter of love.

Part three

I guess an empty heart with an empty soul, will just brought me sorrow. An empty mind without a single thought would crash me inside out. Please, I just need someone to guide. Someone who could help me out, show me the light. 'Cause, all I see is dark.

All alone with a dead end and no sign. Im stuck I don't know. I wish I could see a path that brings me back to life. One holds my hand and gives me strength. Dont let me go. Wait till I know I could stand on my own and I tell, you may go.

I keep showing others the spirits they should hold. No, I dont realise now Im losing control. Knowing there will be only me waiting at the junction, standing in the middle, thinking of which route should I put my steps on, looking around there are only woods and stones. I try to look further, but all I could see is just a blank paper. I couldnt bear the burden anymore.

But my tears aint coming. I guess Im still strong that I don't know. If you could see my heart and my mind, there's a lot of lines and words that you couldnt understand. I myself find it hard to define.

This is real and its happening. I dont just imagine things and create tales-telling. Like I said, I need guidance to bring me closer to Him cause I know Im not that strong as I seem.














Dear mama,
First of all, I just wanna say, I love you and I miss you, a lot. And, guess what, Im turning 21 tml. How time flies. How I wish you're here beside me, watching me turning into an adult. Turning into a lady. I  urm, dont know what else to say. I just miss you, a lot. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss your voice. I miss your eyes.





At times like this, I couldnt afford to avoid all the pressure that have been put on my shoulder. I always thought that I am just the girl next door, that would love to have every minute as a young teenage girl. I guess, I hoped too much for fairytales. Im twenty, and I need to think of another three younger siblings, my father and myself, I kinda think, this is kinda too much. But, who am I to judge myself. Allah knows best. He absolutely knows everything about me and I believe He wont test something that beyond my out reach.


Been through massively boring days. No exercise done. Didnt go out for anything. Staying home. Lazing around. Lying down, counting lines on the ceiling. Turn to the left, looking at the ants marched together - put a finger between them, seeing how they're breaking apart trying to find another way. Woke up. On the laptop. Keep reloading facebook and twitter when I have already knew there's absolutely nothing interesting. Damn these days.











well, 'we' are not as complicated lah actually. things can still dibetulkan. see, macam just now, we're just okay kan? we just need more time to spend together. the more time we had, i guess, we'd get know each of us, better. and tolak-ansur will come naturally. about time lah rasanya all of these. when makin besar, makin matang, so boleh lah understand each other. hope things get better, soon enough. before everything is too late to talk abt.


whats going on? what telah happened?


You sure you'll see thing you absolutely wanna see:


Fell in love. Broken hearted. Met new guy. In relationship. Broke up. Cried. Another guy said hi. Replied. On date. Found out he's a gay.


Kata kawan, kan?


Kan best kalau life ni macam dalam movie, ada moments in our life with background songs. Tak yah kena aku imagine-imagine. Sendiri played.


Yeah, aku kan novelis. Novelis tu kan fairytales maker. Storyteller. Dia yang cipta watak, dia yang create perwatakan. Dia yang satukan orang. Dia yang pisahakan orang, Yeah, thats me! :)

"who says life ain't a fairytale? make things sweet, feel the moments with beloved ones and friends, i can assure you can create your own, and your life will be just fine and everything's gonna be okay. ♥"

Hah. Tu dia, siap post facebook lagi.

Kisah tentang dua anak remaja yang berpacaran, Love story biasa, takde nyer fall in love ngan anak raja. Takde pulak anak Tan Sri ker datuk ker haper2, but it is still a love story that meant to be sweet and cute. Yeah, cute. They are cute together. Hoping that both of you will stuck for each other - forever after.

Mungkin kerana aku terlalu cemburu. Cemburu akan semua yang berlaku di sekeliling aku. Aku sedih tapi aku tutup dengan rasa gembira ketawa sekuat hati, biar tiada seorang pun tahu apa sebenarnya yang terjadi. Cemburu ini bukan lah seperti, kau cinta dia, dan aku rasa nak mengamuk, belasah dia sampai terbalik, sampai lebam, tidak. Aku cemburu kepada berapa tinggi orang pergi, berapa jauh orang langkah. Itu definisi cemburu bagi aku. Mungkin masa aku belum tiba, peluang aku belum sampai, satu hari nanti, akan pasti. Itu aku katakan pada diri ini, yakinkan hati ini. Tetapi, hati aku, hanya hati seorang remaja perempuan yang mungkin sampai bila akan kuat berdiri atas kaki sendiri, bila ombak dan angin yang menerjah itu kuat bagai tsunami yang melanda tapi tiada air, hanya derasnya yang terasa. Faham? Aku tetap merasa diri ini seprang. Memang aku ada kakak, aku ada adik, tetapi, sepatah kata mereka, aku kan kakak yang perlu berlagak kuat. Berlagak kuat, macam semunya tenang tiada masalah. Hanya sekali sekala aku akan meluah. Dan kata mereka lagi, aku perlu berhenti meluah. Berhenti meluah. Mungkin itu akan kujadikan resolution untuk tahun baru ini. Maaflah kalau sebelum ini itu semua menyakitkan hati kamu dan kamu dan kamu semua. Tetapi itu aku. Fine! Aku akan stop. Aku akan berhenti.









Honestly I cried my heart out when you knew I was around but you're not looking. It hurts more than the silence you kept between us. It hurts more than anything you could've imagined. You broke my heart and turned it into pieces. A simple 'hey' doesn't take a lot of effort, I suppose, yet, ignorance was what you thought the best for us. I have all my favourite songs played to make myself happy. I tried to ignore you too. But, all the songs seemed to annoyed me more. They spoke the words of my heart. The lines that remain unspoken. 'Cause, I know, even how hard I try to find the best words to say, you won't be listening. And I don't want to be the one that holds you back. Letting you go, seemed the best option even if it means, Im crashing myself - inside out. Its okay. I through before. Second time won't be a problem.


Part One

There's quite a lot of things happened recently. No major one but those lil things put myself in dilemma. Ive been thinking a lot. Been talking to myself. Picturing stuffs in my mind. I dont quite to know what exactly that I wanted. Crush. Love. Relationship. Islam. And Ramadhan is tomorrow. I want to make a change. A better change perhaps. But I dont know. I am so scared that I cant commit. I am scared of dont know what things that would wait for me in the future. I do not want to have myself in an uncomfortable situation where looking back wont solve anything. There is nothing to regret of course, yet, I feel there's too much in the list that I need to do. Sacrifice is one of them. However, I do not mind of doing any sacrifice, but, I think I need a motivation. Something that can boost up my confidence level to start my steps now and leave everything in the past.


Part Two

Been broken hearted twice aint something that is easy to endure such pain. The first one, had brought me to the memories, looking back to the moments which I could let it go now. However, the second one, I have always questioning myself about the future. Will it happen? Is it going to be good? Does he know about what Im feeling. I hope not. And I really hope one day he decided to stand up and tell me the ending or the beginning perhaps. I dont know. God, I feel like crying but there's no more tears left. Ive got to admit, when comes to this part, my tears would be the highest bid. They are expensive.

I would easily burst into tears if my dad scolded me, when I feel like my sisters would not want to appreciate me and when I miss my mom. But, I dont know why, I find it hard to let go when its the matter of heart. The matter of love.

Part three

I guess an empty heart with an empty soul, will just brought me sorrow. An empty mind without a single thought would crash me inside out. Please, I just need someone to guide. Someone who could help me out, show me the light. 'Cause, all I see is dark.

All alone with a dead end and no sign. Im stuck I don't know. I wish I could see a path that brings me back to life. One holds my hand and gives me strength. Dont let me go. Wait till I know I could stand on my own and I tell, you may go.

I keep showing others the spirits they should hold. No, I dont realise now Im losing control. Knowing there will be only me waiting at the junction, standing in the middle, thinking of which route should I put my steps on, looking around there are only woods and stones. I try to look further, but all I could see is just a blank paper. I couldnt bear the burden anymore.

But my tears aint coming. I guess Im still strong that I don't know. If you could see my heart and my mind, there's a lot of lines and words that you couldnt understand. I myself find it hard to define.

This is real and its happening. I dont just imagine things and create tales-telling. Like I said, I need guidance to bring me closer to Him cause I know Im not that strong as I seem.














Dear mama,
First of all, I just wanna say, I love you and I miss you, a lot. And, guess what, Im turning 21 tml. How time flies. How I wish you're here beside me, watching me turning into an adult. Turning into a lady. I  urm, dont know what else to say. I just miss you, a lot. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss your voice. I miss your eyes.





At times like this, I couldnt afford to avoid all the pressure that have been put on my shoulder. I always thought that I am just the girl next door, that would love to have every minute as a young teenage girl. I guess, I hoped too much for fairytales. Im twenty, and I need to think of another three younger siblings, my father and myself, I kinda think, this is kinda too much. But, who am I to judge myself. Allah knows best. He absolutely knows everything about me and I believe He wont test something that beyond my out reach.


Been through massively boring days. No exercise done. Didnt go out for anything. Staying home. Lazing around. Lying down, counting lines on the ceiling. Turn to the left, looking at the ants marched together - put a finger between them, seeing how they're breaking apart trying to find another way. Woke up. On the laptop. Keep reloading facebook and twitter when I have already knew there's absolutely nothing interesting. Damn these days.











well, 'we' are not as complicated lah actually. things can still dibetulkan. see, macam just now, we're just okay kan? we just need more time to spend together. the more time we had, i guess, we'd get know each of us, better. and tolak-ansur will come naturally. about time lah rasanya all of these. when makin besar, makin matang, so boleh lah understand each other. hope things get better, soon enough. before everything is too late to talk abt.


whats going on? what telah happened?


You sure you'll see thing you absolutely wanna see:


Fell in love. Broken hearted. Met new guy. In relationship. Broke up. Cried. Another guy said hi. Replied. On date. Found out he's a gay.


Kata kawan, kan?


Kan best kalau life ni macam dalam movie, ada moments in our life with background songs. Tak yah kena aku imagine-imagine. Sendiri played.


Yeah, aku kan novelis. Novelis tu kan fairytales maker. Storyteller. Dia yang cipta watak, dia yang create perwatakan. Dia yang satukan orang. Dia yang pisahakan orang, Yeah, thats me! :)

"who says life ain't a fairytale? make things sweet, feel the moments with beloved ones and friends, i can assure you can create your own, and your life will be just fine and everything's gonna be okay. ♥"

Hah. Tu dia, siap post facebook lagi.

Kisah tentang dua anak remaja yang berpacaran, Love story biasa, takde nyer fall in love ngan anak raja. Takde pulak anak Tan Sri ker datuk ker haper2, but it is still a love story that meant to be sweet and cute. Yeah, cute. They are cute together. Hoping that both of you will stuck for each other - forever after.

Im no beauty queen.
Im just beautiful me.
I don't need a Guardian,
coz I am no Angel.
Cheesy words gonna melt me down,
sweet talkings will only build my walls higher.
Imma love you once and for all
when I put aside my armour defense.

'When I see your face,
tears run down my face;
The picture perfect memories you left,
scattered all over my mind.
And I cant just erase them all,
its just too lil too late.'

'Dan bla esok,
kita kan bertemu kembali,
Masihkah ada ruang di dalam hati mu,
Untuk cinta yang pernah kita miliki'

"Dan mungkin bila nanti,
Kita kan bertemu lagi,
Satu pintaku jangan kau cuba tanyakan kembali,
rasa yang ku tinggal mati'

Hey,
Say u love me
Say u miss me
Coz i believe it takes two to tango

Keliru diri ini. ♠ reply ♠ Stop Messing Around ♠ Second time ♠ Dilemma ♠ Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me ♠ Dear mama, First of all, I just wanna say, I love ... ♠ One Lil Miss Sombong ♠ He knows everything. ♠ Damn these days. ♠

June 2010 ♠ March 2011 ♠ April 2011 ♠ September 2011 ♠ October 2011 ♠ November 2011 ♠ April 2012 ♠ May 2012 ♠ June 2012 ♠ July 2012 ♠ August 2012 ♠ December 2012 ♠ January 2013 ♠

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